you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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