guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
should my penis look like a turkey
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Randomize
