I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
