she looked like the before picture.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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