Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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