it wasn't lemon gatorade
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
