so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wish you could order shots online.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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