So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
