yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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