Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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