Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
