Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
