I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
