We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
