So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
