I'm so fucking centered right now
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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