New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
