I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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