ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
