dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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