i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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