Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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