Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
