upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
