I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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