I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
