Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
