proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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