11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just had sex bonerless
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I pour the whiskey from now on
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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