dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize