theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
