If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Say something about gay babies.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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