I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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