If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
