Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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