with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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