Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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