not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
