My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
