maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
