I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i love accidental penises.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
