It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
