Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
