I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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