I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize