so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
