why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
