My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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