In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a blender
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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