Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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