so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This baby is an asshole
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm too high and old for this...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
