Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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