Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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