is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize