Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
