Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize