What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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