You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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