i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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