I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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