moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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