1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
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You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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