:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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