her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so much tequila, so little girl.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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