i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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