there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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