Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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