He is such a slut. More and more my type.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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