yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
