Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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