I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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