Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We have started to decorate penises.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
