i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
