and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
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I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
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Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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