when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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