Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
