my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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