She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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