NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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