If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
