She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
