i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
