My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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