Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
